How DO you have the birds and bees talk with your kids, where babies come from, explain why boys' private parts are different from girls', and everything else that goes along with the “birds and bees” discussion? Even if you take the “you can always ask me anything” route as a parent (as we did with our large family), calling body parts by their correct names since toddlerhood, and regularly talking about private parts and keeping them private, the day is going to come when your kids will ask for more details!
Or maybe your kids will never ask, but you get a note home from school telling you that the middle school health teachers will be visiting the 5th-grade classrooms this week to have “The Talk.” Say what?
(Side note: yes, this has happened to me. I thought we had another few months to have a discussion at home with our child, but then I found out it was going to take place at school the next day! And my husband was out of town, so it was all on me!)
But sometimes getting the conversation started can be tricky. And then remembering everything that you need to cover can be even trickier. Because you're old now and forgot half of what they told you way back in health class all those years ago. And for goodness sakes- you're a Mom- what do you know about penises and stuff like that? I mean first-hand knowledge of penises… (What? Oh never mind!)
How to Have the Birds and Bees Talk With Your Kids!
Sometimes it helps to have a manual. A guidebook of sorts of what you need to cover, what all the right terms are, not to mention pictures and stuff that are age-appropriate (DON'T Google “vagina” with your kids in the room. Just don't!) Which is why I am telling you about this book series called “ It's Not the Stork This is an affiliate link: MomOf6 earns a commission if you purchase, at no additional cost to you. “!
There are three different books that aim to deliver age-appropriate information on the birds and the bees to kids in a way that they can understand, and that parents can guide them through. The first book is listed as appropriate for ages 4 and up, the second book is for ages 7 and up, and the third book is geared towards ages 10 and up.
But I have to say that those guidelines (in my opinion) were made by some uber-liberal nudist living in some free-range community somewhere! I just don't agree with those recommendations. I guess it's just the small-town Midwestern girl in me, but I think the 4-year-old book is better for 8-9-year-olds and the 7-year-old book is perfect for a 5th grader who is just now learning about reproduction. And the 10-year-old book is just perfect for handing to your kid before he/she heads off to college (just kidding…. kind of).
Here- I'll give you a peek into each book, and you can decide for yourself:
It's Not the Stork This is an affiliate link: MomOf6 earns a commission if you purchase, at no additional cost to you. ! (for ages 4 and up) Provides a great understanding of boys vs. girls body parts- both internal and external- explaining proper names for everything and the basics of how everything works. It describes baby-making as a “special kind of loving where the man and woman get so close to each other than the man's penis goes inside the woman's vagina.”
It covers the meeting of the sperm and the egg and the growing baby inside of the womb. It covers childbirth explaining how the muscles of the uterus push the baby out of the mommy's vagina. And it ends by talking about “okay touches and not okay touches.” Overall this is a great book that explains all of the basics.
It's So Amazing This is an affiliate link: MomOf6 earns a commission if you purchase, at no additional cost to you. ! (for ages 7 and up) Takes all of this information a step further by providing more details on how everything works. When it comes to the section on intercourse, it uses the same description as in the first book- but also explains that “grownups also make love when they are not planning to make a baby because it can feel so good to be so close to each other.”
And it reminds readers that raising a baby takes a lot of time and work, which is why it makes good sense for people to wait to have a baby until they have had time to grow up first.
This book also spends time explaining love- love among family members and friends, love between grown-ups, and even homosexual love.
When the book covers pregnancy, it also explains what miscarriage and abortion are. It covers genes and chromosomes, and it also does a good job of explaining how families are formed through adoption as well- which is important to me. The end of the book also talks about HIV and AIDS.
All in all a very thorough and extremely informative book for kids who are learning about reproduction and puberty.
Are you a busy Mom who could use some support?
It helps if you have “the right tools for the job”! Busy Moms need a great calendar or planning system (you can find my favs here This is an affiliate link: MomOf6 earns a commission if you purchase, at no additional cost to you. ) and an efficient command center This is an affiliate link: MomOf6 earns a commission if you purchase, at no additional cost to you. to keep things running smoothly for the whole family! You can find more great resources for busy Moms over on my Amazon influencer page This is an affiliate link: MomOf6 earns a commission if you purchase, at no additional cost to you. !
It's Perfectly Normal This is an affiliate link: MomOf6 earns a commission if you purchase, at no additional cost to you. (for ages 10 and up) Covers everything in “It's So Amazing” as well as goes into depth on the topics of sexual desire, puberty, changing bodies and changing feelings, and masturbation. It covers decisions such as abstinence, birth control, and abortion. It talks about sexual abuse, STDs, and staying safe from predators online. In short- it covers everything!
I have found these three books to enormously helpful for me to have the birds and bees talk with my kids- in fact- I can't imagine having talked with my kids without them!
Hopefully, they will help you too!
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ImNotPuttingMyRealName says
FYI I am 13
I kinda knew about stuff before my parents said anything, (not fully sure when I learned) but how it happened with “the talk” was one night my family (parents and 11yo brother) were watching hockey and during commercials me and my brother were for some reason talking about babies? He said “you can’t just choose to have a baby it’s random!” And I was like “Can’t you?” It was back and forth a bit before my dad said to my mom “We might have to have this conversation sooner *chuckle*” and so my mom started with chickens as that was simple in that it was eggs. They said the correct names of body parts and talked about safety and answered any questions we had. It was simple terms but gave full information. After explaining the um… activities my brother was like “That sounds gross!” Haha.
My tip would be wait for it to naturally come up or if they ask. To me, I don’t think a kid would just like out-of-the-blue ask that question, but idk. Good luck.
P.S. We homeschool so if your kids go to school timing might be a little harder as I know they teach this stuff, so in that case I’m not sure if it would be better to initiate the conversation or just let them go to school. I would maybe tell them that they would be learning stuff about their bodies and remind them that you’re there if they have questions or if they are uncomfortable with ANYTHING. If they ask something, answer it simply so they understand but so that they are satisfied with the answer.
I know im a little late to the conversation but I hope this helps somebody 💜
Sharon Rowley says
Thank you so much for your perspective and adding to the conversation!
Chezney says
If we as parents don’t inform our kids about sex, they will be misinformed by other kids at school. My daughter is 8 and headed to the 3rd grade. She is very curious about her body and boys because kids are talking about sexual things at her school. She’s so young but it’s MY responsibility to make sure she has the correct information so she won’t be confused and will be able to make smart choices when the time comes.
Sharon says
I definitely agree! I just think it helps to have the right “tools” in front of you when having these important discussions!
Anonimous Teenager says
Omg just leave your poor kids alone. Go out and buy “it’s perfectly normal”, tell your kid it is about the birds and the bees and that you are always there for them if they have any questions and then stick it on the shelf and then don’t utter another word unless your kid asks you a question, ok? Seriously, kids want to be left ft alone and given some freedom LEAVE YOUR KIDS BE
Melissa says
I loved you before today, but today…today I love you a whole lot. My daughter is 10 and she’s a bit of an anxious girl. This year (4th grade) they had a human growth and development class which taught them about their bodies a little bit. For her it was mostly about her period. So..I obviously talked to her before the class and I used the materials that they used in the class but I still felt like I didn’t do a great job. Apparently next year, 5th grade, they’ll have a class about sex and I again need to prepare her. So..which book would you recommend for a 10yo that is still definitely a kid, aware of her period but nothing else? During our talk she actually said ‘mom..can we stop talking about this now?’ Ha! Or maybe I should just get all three to be super prepared. Thank you for this post Sharon, so very much.
Sharon says
I would go with book #2. And read it together- don’t just hand it over. That way you can skip the parts that maybe you think she isn’t ready for! And thank you so much for “loving me!” 🙂
Anonymous says
First of all kids shouldn’t be learning about sex and stuff like that ! 🙁
Sharon says
You really feel this way? Not ever?
Lynne Stark says
Hi Sharon, I wanted to order the books and have you get the “credit” but couldn’t figure out how to do that. Is there a link I’m missing???
Sharon says
Oops- I must have made a mistake when I put the code in last night! It’s all fixed now! And thank you!